Living in Delicious Fear

Can you remember the first time you did something that was scary to you? Was it learning to ride a bike, or perhaps to swim, or a first day at a new job or at a new school? The amazing part of these moments is that as soon as we push past our fears and give it a try, succeed or fail, we learn something about our abilities and ourselves. We also gain valuable knowledge and understanding of the challenge that faces us, and the tools required to succeed in the face of that challenge. Our brain, our spirit and our bodies are incredible tools.  Each grows proportionately with the risks and trials we encounter. Like exercising a muscle, as we practice and increase our repetitions the muscle grows in strength and facility.

That is what I call “living in delicious fear”.  It is that place when you are out of your comfort zone and teetering on the verge of stepping backwards, but you just gently lean forward and move ahead. This is the discovery and learning zone: “Wow! I can do that, it wasn’t as scary as I thought.” Perhaps: ” I survived, I will do this part differently next time, or “I did OK, if I practice, I will become great at this!” The first step out of comfort and into “delicious fear” is the hardest and also the most exhilarating. Your senses are at their peak and your brain is working its hardest to master the skills required and still maintain control, your emotions are working overtime and you are a mass of nerves and then you’ve done it! Everything lets go all at once and your whole body goes into “I did it!” mode! Then the learning and understanding sets in and our wonderful minds take over. We get better and better at it as we practice and build our muscles of trying new things. Our spirit grows as we discover new talents or polish unused ones and we become more empowered to try again and possibly attempt even more difficult challenges.

I remember learning to ride my first two-wheeled bike.  My sister was the one to teach me, Mom was too worried and Dad didn’t have the patience.  So Barb helped me learn.  She held the back of the bike seat to stabilize me as I struggled to gain the necessary balance to master the task. I was sweating so hard from fear and struggle, my eyes stung from the salt. I kept yelling, “don’t let go, I’m not ready!” Then I realized I was moving way too fast for her to keep up I was doing it!  Then Barb screamed and I fell off!  I yelled what’s the matter? As she ran up to see if I was all right, she looked worried and thrilled all together, as I bled from both knees.  What’s wrong, I cried? “You did it, you did it, you rode all by yourself!” You see, there were two of us living in delicious fear that day.  Barb was terrified that she would not be up to the task of teaching me and that I would fail, she stepped way out of her comfort zone for me.  I must say I was most proud of those scrapes and became a daredevil bike rider! Barb discovered she was a great teacher!

Of course there are set backs, embarrassment, scraped knees, a lost possibility but more often than not they are endurable set backs.  Delicious fear is a wake up call to use your brain, focus and approach the challenge with all of your capabilities and full consciousness. We are not speaking of ignoring your fears, but consciously and thoughtfully moving past them.  Using your skills and knowledge in a way that allows you to “Just do it”.    It is what makes many of us successful business owners or managers or CEOs.  Have you stepped out lately?  We often get too comfortable and settled in our worlds to remind ourselves to step out, take a new responsibility, or a challenge.

Whatever the step is for you, remember the discovery and learning zone is where we as human beings grow best.  Once the challenge has been met and we are delivered to the other side is when our real work begins.  We then can take the time to celebrate our successes and evaluate and learn from mistakes, strategize on how to better meet the task in the future, gather more knowledge or skills we discovered were lacking, get help from others if required. Each challenge is an opportunity to grow.  Each success empowers us to try again. Each mistake or failure is packed with learning to do it better the next time.

You say the fear is too big!  The fear is not worth it! Then try taking smaller steps. That is why training wheels were invented.  My challenge to you is to step out into delicious fear this week, go create a new product for your business, invite your most dissatisfied customer to lunch, speak to someone about a raise or a promotion, learn to ride the bike of your dreams!