Procrastination, A Tool for Life!

Most ALL of us use procrastination at some time in our lives, do we not?  It seems to me if a tool is so widely used, there must be something to it. As a personal and corporate coach, procrastination is almost always the first thing my clients want to eliminate from their lives.

As you will read, I advise them to not eliminate the very tool that is there to help them navigate the rough spots in life and business. I prefer to think of procrastination in the same category as a detour in the road. The purpose of a detour is to give us a warning; to help us avoid something non-navigable or dangerous, and to provide a safer route.

Detours usually take a little longer; they circumvent the problem, but in the end we arrive at our destination unscathed. In most cases you will discover that properly employed procrastination, like a detour, will give you an alternate route to the solution of the problem at hand.

In her book, Coach Yourself to Success, Talane Meidaner poses this question:  “What if procrastination was a good thing, and we stopped beating ourselves up about it and learned why we do it?” She describes several circumstances in which people find themselves procrastinating and offers solutions to the problem.

The Put Off:

We Put off something we do not like doing.  Sometimes if we procrastinate long enough, it causes another person to do it for us; sometimes it becomes too late to do it and we end up not having to do it at all.  What if, instead, we looked at what it was we were putting off, determined it was something distasteful to us and immediately found a way to delegate it to another person?  There may even be times when it makes sense to decline to do the task. In this instance, it would be important to inform any people that may be depending upon us for the result or task, but in the end they are better served if we decide and inform them as soon as we know, so they can get the job completed by someone that will probably do a more complete job anyway. And our reward is: the uncomfortable or distasteful task is off our plate and the energy drain caused by its presence is eliminated.

The Fear Factor:

Sometimes we find ourselves procrastinating because we are frightened. We may believe we are not capable of completing the task. We may believe we do not have the knowledge or the expertise to complete the project.  We may believe we do not have anything of value to contribute. We may be frightened of rejection. The project may feel too big to us, and we allow ourselves to become overwhelmed with its scope and not able to move ahead with the process. Fear is a real emotion and one to be heeded.  But the possibility exists to examine the fears and discover the energy behind them.

If lack of knowledge or expertise is the fear, we can find ways to gather the knowledge we need or find experts in the particular field to support our work.  We may need to request more time for research, but we can move ahead and complete the project.

If the fear is that of not adding value, or of being rejected, we can review our strengths, research, brainstorm, and discover a method of adding value that may also eliminate the potential for rejection.

Once we can name the fear, we can often find a solution to its source and eliminate it.

There are many reasons why we procrastinate. The above examples are just a few. Think about the times when you get stuck or are overwhelmed and procrastinate.  What are some of your reasons?

In most cases you will discover that properly employed procrastination, like a detour, will give you an alternate route to the solution of the problem at hand. You can shorten the detour or speed up the process, if you treat your procrastination as a tool that can help you through life rather than beating yourself up and wasting time in self-chastisement.

You can learn to use the five steps to using procrastination as a tool for life.

First: Recognize when you are in procrastination mode.  Speak out loud and call it by name! 

Second: Congratulate yourself for using so valuable a life tool! 

Third: Take the time to stop, think and look at why you are procrastinating.

Fourth: take each why and discover solutions to those issues. Once you discover the why, and there may be multiple whys, it is much easier to break the problem into smaller parts and approach each issue.

Fifth: Create a strategy and timetable to carry it out.

My coach’s challenge to you this week is to begin to look at procrastination in this more positive light.  You will discover that it immediately becomes a friend, not a foe, and the energy around it relaxes. Go a step further and begin to employ the five steps to using procrastination as a tool for life.

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We Have A Choice

We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves strong.  The amount of work is the same. Carlos Casteneda, author and philosopher.

As the rain continues to fall and the days to be chilly, I sometimes begin to feel the weight of it all.  The dampness, the dreariness, the mud, and the chore of rubbing down my wet smelly dogs so they are presentable enough to be in the house. As I allowed myself to get more down about it all, feeling “put upon” by the weather, I realized I was choosing to be miserable.  I began to think about last summer and the frightening thoughts, the reality for some, of actually running out of water, our lifeblood.  I took hold of my thoughts and began to dwell more on the positives of the rain: flowers popping up everywhere, our grass is more beautiful than it has been in years, my husband and I have begun to take care of some indoor projects we have been putting off, even the puppy rub down has become a sort of game that makes us laugh. I have discovered the feeling of accomplishment is the same, rain or shine, the connectedness to family and friends is still great, and, actually, my ability to concentrate on detailed projects is greater as I am not distracted by the thoughts of being outdoors in the sun and the breeze.   The words of Mr. Casteneda seem to be true; I could be miserable or I could be upbeat and strong, in this case it was a matter of how I chose to think about the weather.

Now, of course, the weather is not an earth-shattering issue, but there are scant few of us who can say they are not affected by it in some manner. I offer it as a common ground place to begin a discussion on how we can take charge of the thoughts and energy we expend and for what results.

In this time of economic uncertainty, when many people we know are out of work, downsized or otherwise, and more high school and college graduates are ready to take their places in the workforce, it becomes challenging to choose to think and to expend our energy to make ourselves strong.  The job search that once was a matter of checking the want ads and speaking with a few confidants, has now become more of a position itself, albeit a non-profit one, for many seekers.  The tendency to dwell on how difficult the search can be and how unfair it is becomes enticing.  As more rejection is required to attain the prize, it becomes easier to allow our thoughts to wander in the mode of negativity and hopelessness: “I am not good enough.” “I am too old.” “I am over or under qualified.”

As a personal and corporate coach, I work with many individuals that are changing careers; whether by choice or by circumstance.  What I have discovered is that there is a great difference between the successful career changers and the not so successful, and it has little to do with the time it takes to make the change.  These days, the game is very different.  The pool of excellent candidates is much greater, and the corresponding pool of jobs is dwindling.  The difference I have discovered is how the successful people think about themselves and the process. They employ a positive, enthusiastic and hard work approach. They are willing to accept change and to look at themselves and the world from different perspectives.  They are open to support. They create, maintain and share insights and networks. They stay productive and active at home and in the world of work, often on a volunteer basis. Many of these successful folks read voraciously of the many books that are available on career change, salary negotiation, resume writing and interview techniques.  They work hard at the job of career change or job search.  When the right position is eventually discovered, their house is in order, they have learned a great deal about themselves and the process, and they are ready to put their best foot forward for the new position.  Often, friends and colleagues have no idea of how much effort went into the process, they only see the successful result. In the words of Michelangelo: “If people knew how hard I worked to achieve my mastery, it wouldn’t seem so wonderful after all.”

Coaches Challenge: Our choice is in how we choose to think.  Begin with some simple tasks that you may have allowed yourself to get down about, like the weather.  You begin to build your positive thinking muscle. Then gradually tackle the greater issues as your strength increases.

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The Art Of Blurting

What is a “blurt”, you may ask and how can it possibly be valuable? For our purposes  “blurting” is the act of speaking out your thoughts before you have completely thought them through.

Your first reaction may be fear or even, Kate, you are a bit crazy. Fears of being misunderstood are most common or perhaps concern that people will think less of your abilities as a thought leader. Blurting, at the right time for the right purpose brings exponential value to you and your team…

Blurting Artfully can be a fabulous brainstorming method. Think of times when you are working with a team and you are trying to create a new process or concept.  It is almost impossible at first to speak or even think in full sentences, especially when the concept is in its germination stages. Many team members’ fear sounding foolish and or saying the “wrong” thing. Blurting in this instance can get ideas and thoughts on the table for yourself and others to mull over, and perhaps the team will then be able to refine these blurts from germination to genius. Blurting in this instance becomes a starting point for brilliant brainstorming, a fun way to get unstuck and create momentum.

So what is the “art” around blurting? Very simple, BEFORE you blurt, let your audience know that that is what you are doing. This warning will eliminate possible misunderstandings and get their expectations in line with what you are sharing. This also gives the team permission to refine and work with your blurtings.

“Artful Blurting” is a learned habit that can be cultivated by leaders and managers of teams including your own team of one if you are a solopreneur.

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How to Respect Money

Guest Post by Barbara Stanny, The leading authority on women and money. Barbara is a Best Selling Author, Motivational Speaker, Workshop facilitator, Money and Wealth coach and Coach Trainer.  Original post on BarbaraStanny.com.

There’s a big difference between making a good living and enjoying a good life. You demonstrate respect and appreciation for money the same way you would anything else of value in your life, be it an heirloom rug, an expensive hand tool, a close friend, or cash in hand. If you want it to last, you’ve got to take care of it. Throw it around carelessly or ignore it completely and guess what’s going to happen?

Remember, my goal is not just to put a fatter paycheck in your pocket. I want to help you achieve financial independence, which means making a good living and enjoying a good life, where money enhances your well-being, not exacerbates your stress. Financial independence does not come from what you earn. It comes from what you do with what you have. No matter how sizable your salary, the money will slip through your fingers if you bypass this step.

Yet this step is frequently neglected, even by the best and the brightest. It was the biggest surprise I had when interviewing six-figure women. With earnings that ranged anywhere from $100,000 to $7 million, the whopping majority, as confident as they were professionally, were surprisingly insecure financially. They were so busy making money they didn’t bother to take care of it.

Of all the people I’ve interviewed for my books, or met during my travels, I can safely say, the ones with the highest net worth were not necessarily the ones who made the most money. They were the ones who took the best care of their money.

Rampant, unintentioned spending is often the culprit. Like Pavlov’s dog salivating when it hears the dinner bell, as soon as people boost their earnings, ‘Ka-ching,’ they bump up their spending, then wonder where those extra bucks went.

THE CHOICE IS YOURS
Making conscious, deliberate choices about what you do with your money is precisely what this step is all about. And as I see it, there are only four choices you need to make to fully respect and appreciate money. I call these four choices the Four Rules of Money.
1. Spend Less (Only buy what you can easily afford)
2. Save More (Pay yourself first)
3. Invest Wisely (Put money in assets that grow in value over time.)
4. Give Generously (Use your money to make a difference )

Most of us have the giving generously part down pat. But unless you handle the first three, giving can become an act of self-sabotage. Not only do you jeopardize your future security, but you diminish the impact you can have with your money. Read more

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Pay-It Forward – Coach’s Challenge

Tom and I were watching football the other night and, as men and their remotes will do, at commercial time Tom changed channels to see what else might be on of interest. We stumbled upon the movie “Pay It Forward”.  A wonderful heartening story about a teacher and his class of, I believe, fifth graders and the challenge he gave each of them: Think of a way to change our world and put it into action.

We were at first charmed, and by the end, football went by the wayside and became the commercial filler for the movie.  The story unfolded as the young man, Trevor, decided to do nice things for people, whether he knew them or not and whether they asked for it or not.  He felt in this way he might at least make a difference in the lives of others to the small extent he could and that when they asked what they could do in return for him… he asked each of them to do something unexpectedly nice for 3 others and so on…his system: Pay it Forward…

Trevor’s system did not always work as he had expected or hoped and at times he was down right depressed that it seemed he was not even able to start the ball rolling.  Several of his initial attempts were thwarted either by the person who received the good deed not responding and paying it forward or other times he ran into people’s inability to deal with their own fears in order to take the necessary steps to enjoy the gift he gave.  Trevor’s determination stayed true and he created enough awareness that eventually a reporter interviewed him on TV about his goal for “Pay It Forward”.  He explained that it takes a person that is willing to be strong and sometimes overcome their fears to really make a difference.  Each person has to choose to go out on a bit of a limb, take a risk, but that the rewards were worth the effort.  He also commented that if you never try anything different, then you may be missing the best life has to offer, you will stay in your comfortable and gray world and miss the warmth, connection and Technicolor that could be.

Trevor learned there were no guarantees with his experiment, but he made the conscious decision to continue to try it anyway. His experiment did not fail with me, as I write this article to share with each of you.

Today, I parked in town and bought a $5.00 parking permit.   When I was ready to leave there was an older gentleman struggling to figure out the parking computer.  I handed him my ticket, which was good for another two hours.  He was delighted and asked if he could pay me for it…. I told him to pay it forward… Thanks Trevor!

To me this story is all about abundance and learning to give unconditionally…Giving of the overflow… it has been called… is all about learning the spirit of money and good deeds (which are often substituted for cash) It is in the spirit of money that we begin to attract abundance. In the spirit of money we discover it’s true value and power. The spirit of money is where philanthropy lives. Have you ever wanted to create a foundation to support a great cause?  Learn the spirit of money and you will soon attract an overflow to share as you wish.

Coach’s Challenge:
“Pay It Forward”. Then, if you accept, I challenge each of you to do something nice and unexpected for 3 people, if they ask how to repay you, tell them: “Pay it forward!” I figure if 100 people read this article and just 30 of you take my challenge …then Trevor, and our world, will have won exponentially!

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What Do You Think?

“One of the reasons people don’t achieve their dreams is that they desire to change their results without changing their thinking.”  John C. Maxwell Thinking For A Change

When an individual begins the coaching partnership it is often because they are frustrated with their current progress, it is not moving along fast enough, they are experiencing many roadblocks and they can’t seem to keep focus or stay on track towards their goal.  Our first step is usually to discover: “What are their thoughts in connection with the goal?”

Most often they are able to rattle off their strategy to reach the goal they wish to attain; they have broken it down into manageable steps and have begun the process to reach the goal.  The missing piece that causes the roadblock to success is not their ability or knowledge or even their organization, but the thoughts they harbor around the goal.

As a new college graduate I was given the opportunity to become a supervisor of a department I had been a member of for the last 3 years.  I was promoted due to my knowledge, experience and potential.  It was a great honor and one I felt ready to accept.  After about a month on the job, the productivity of my department had plummeted. I was frustrated, and went to my manager to try to discover what I was doing wrong. My manager gave me these words to ponder: “Think like a supervisor.”  After mulling this over, I discovered I was still thinking like an hourly employee.  I had made the leap to supervisor, but my thought processes had not changed along with me.  This time I went to my supervisor with a list of new thoughts: how I think about myself in relation to the supervisory position.  I was on my way to changing the way I thought about my job and my person in that job.  With each discovery, I became a more valuable supervisor and my department began to excel.  Success in this situation was about changing the way I was thinking to mirror the new position.

Coaches Challenge:  Examine your thinking around your business goals and who you are with this goal. Ask yourself some questions to trigger understanding of your current thought processes and what changes you may have to make. If your goal is to build a thriving Coaching Practice… do you believe it is possible?  Do you think you deserve to have a thriving business? How does a successful businessperson think, act, look? Are you thinking like a business person or a hobbyist? How do you have to think differently to make the change from a surviving business to a thriving business? What thoughts do you have that will inhibit and or forward this goal? Begin to change the way you think to enhance your goals.

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Living in Delicious Fear

Can you remember the first time you did something that was scary to you? Was it learning to ride a bike, or perhaps to swim, or a first day at a new job or at a new school? The amazing part of these moments is that as soon as we push past our fears and give it a try, succeed or fail, we learn something about our abilities and ourselves. We also gain valuable knowledge and understanding of the challenge that faces us, and the tools required to succeed in the face of that challenge. Our brain, our spirit and our bodies are incredible tools.  Each grows proportionately with the risks and trials we encounter. Like exercising a muscle, as we practice and increase our repetitions the muscle grows in strength and facility.

That is what I call “living in delicious fear”.  It is that place when you are out of your comfort zone and teetering on the verge of stepping backwards, but you just gently lean forward and move ahead. This is the discovery and learning zone: “Wow! I can do that, it wasn’t as scary as I thought.” Perhaps: ” I survived, I will do this part differently next time, or “I did OK, if I practice, I will become great at this!” The first step out of comfort and into “delicious fear” is the hardest and also the most exhilarating. Your senses are at their peak and your brain is working its hardest to master the skills required and still maintain control, your emotions are working overtime and you are a mass of nerves and then you’ve done it! Everything lets go all at once and your whole body goes into “I did it!” mode! Then the learning and understanding sets in and our wonderful minds take over. We get better and better at it as we practice and build our muscles of trying new things. Our spirit grows as we discover new talents or polish unused ones and we become more empowered to try again and possibly attempt even more difficult challenges.

I remember learning to ride my first two-wheeled bike.  My sister was the one to teach me, Mom was too worried and Dad didn’t have the patience.  So Barb helped me learn.  She held the back of the bike seat to stabilize me as I struggled to gain the necessary balance to master the task. I was sweating so hard from fear and struggle, my eyes stung from the salt. I kept yelling, “don’t let go, I’m not ready!” Then I realized I was moving way too fast for her to keep up I was doing it!  Then Barb screamed and I fell off!  I yelled what’s the matter? As she ran up to see if I was all right, she looked worried and thrilled all together, as I bled from both knees.  What’s wrong, I cried? “You did it, you did it, you rode all by yourself!” You see, there were two of us living in delicious fear that day.  Barb was terrified that she would not be up to the task of teaching me and that I would fail, she stepped way out of her comfort zone for me.  I must say I was most proud of those scrapes and became a daredevil bike rider! Barb discovered she was a great teacher!

Of course there are set backs, embarrassment, scraped knees, a lost possibility but more often than not they are endurable set backs.  Delicious fear is a wake up call to use your brain, focus and approach the challenge with all of your capabilities and full consciousness. We are not speaking of ignoring your fears, but consciously and thoughtfully moving past them.  Using your skills and knowledge in a way that allows you to “Just do it”.    It is what makes many of us successful business owners or managers or CEOs.  Have you stepped out lately?  We often get too comfortable and settled in our worlds to remind ourselves to step out, take a new responsibility, or a challenge.

Whatever the step is for you, remember the discovery and learning zone is where we as human beings grow best.  Once the challenge has been met and we are delivered to the other side is when our real work begins.  We then can take the time to celebrate our successes and evaluate and learn from mistakes, strategize on how to better meet the task in the future, gather more knowledge or skills we discovered were lacking, get help from others if required. Each challenge is an opportunity to grow.  Each success empowers us to try again. Each mistake or failure is packed with learning to do it better the next time.

You say the fear is too big!  The fear is not worth it! Then try taking smaller steps. That is why training wheels were invented.  My challenge to you is to step out into delicious fear this week, go create a new product for your business, invite your most dissatisfied customer to lunch, speak to someone about a raise or a promotion, learn to ride the bike of your dreams!

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Spend Wisely…Take Back Your Time

“You will never find time. You must make it.” —Charles Burton

The two excuses I hear most from my coaching clients for not accomplishing more and greater things and having a life and business that they love are: “I don’t have time, I’m too busy”. We all get the same amount of hours in a day: 24. We all get the same number of hours in a week: 168. Why do some people have what looks like “it ALL”?

A Scenario:

If you sleep a healthy 8 hours a night you have 112 left.

If you take 30 minutes a day for breakfast and an hour each for lunch and dinner you now have 94.5 left

If you drive 30 minutes to and from work, you now have 89.5 left.

If you work 45 hours a week you have 44.5 left in your week to take care of yourself, your family, your health and your spirit.

The problem is not the time. The problem is what we are doing with it. If you spend from 8pm to 10pm watching TV, you now have just 30 hours left. What could you have done with those precious hours? How much of your day and week is being spent on things that help you grow: in your business, your relationships, with your significant other or children, in knowledge, in fun, in health or in spirit?

Take a look at with whom you are spending your time.  Are they people that are supportive and energizing, or do you feel drained at the end of your time with them? Are they people you are striving to emulate and can bring out your best?

Our time is the one commodity we each get a fixed amount of. We do not even know exactly what that fixed amount is.  It makes sense to use it with wisdom, joy and for the growth of ourselves and those around us.  To Life!

COACH’S CHALLENGE: Look at where you spend your time and evaluate if it is truly being well spent on what you consider priorities for your life and your families or are you giving it away unnecessarily?  This month review who you give your time to and how you are using it. Make one change that will take back time from the mundane and help you grow where you believe it will truly count!

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Key Number One to Successful Self-Marketing

Marketing always seems to be one of the more difficult tasks, and marketing ones self, for many, often becomes insurmountable.  This does not have to be true for you! Learning to market yourself comfortably will go a long way in your life whether you are marketing yourself for a new career, a promotion in your current place of business or to sell your business services.

Key Number ONE is: Learning to Overcome Rejection

I. Overcoming rejection, the ages old concept of rejection and how to overcome that down in the belly negative feeling that comes when you put your talents on the line and they are rejected.

What is actually being rejected?

Try this vision: What is real…At this moment I am OK. I have certain talents and abilities, hopes and dreams, needs and values. I have family and friends that care about me. I have accomplished many things in my life; be it my schooling at what ever level, my employment history and my ability to be a team player and many other learned talents along the way.  The concrete evidence of my existence thus far proves I am capable of tackling the world and what it has handed me. I am O.K.!

You take one small action of opening your email and you discover your business proposal was rejected. What happens?  The air is knocked out of you, you get that lead feeling in your gut, suddenly, the act of reading one email has changed “I am OK” into “I am not good enough”!

Look back a moment…has anything actually changed from the information above? NO, you are still all of those very capable things.  What has changed is your attitude. You have allowed yourself to take the rejection personally. All of a sudden it is about you not being good enough, when moments before you were just fine.  You have given your power away because of someone else’s action. In reality what happened is another person had a stronger set of tools for this particular situation, or perhaps there was a personal contact that was selected or the person making the decision had a bad day the day of your proposal, we will never know.

Getting Over it! We meet rejection every day, whether it is of our dreams, of a new job or a promotion or a sale we have endeavored to close. There are 3 important rules to dealing with rejection successfully: a. Don’t take it personally. b. Use it as a learning tool. c. Quickly take appropriate actions to move on to the next challenge.

The first rule of dealing with rejection is: Don’t take it personally! It is rarely about us, even though our egos seem to try to tell us it is.  Our minds are very creative and energetic and if left alone, are masters at the negative.  I call it my “Itty Bitty Pity Committee”. Replace your old committee with a sensible group of voices: which include your intuition, your heart, your intelligence, your curiosity, your passion, your spirit and your experience.

Your new “Success Committee”, will help you deal with rejection as a learning tool. Which is the second rule of dealing with rejection: Use rejection as a Learning tool. Ask questions when you receive a no.  What did not meet your needs?  What was missing so I might improve? Rarely is a person reluctant to help another improve. Then set up an appropriate action plan to carry out what you have discovered. Choose to learn from the rejection and move on to the next with a greater arsenal of tools for your future success.

The third rule of dealing with rejection: Quickly take appropriate actions to move on to the next challenge.  Take the learning and grow your knowledge base and tool kit.  Create a plan of action to move past the rejection and on to the next challenge. Think of rejection as a tool for learning and improvement and you will soon move beyond it to the realm of success.

Want to see Overcoming rejection in action? Look up the story of author J.K. Rowling of the Harry Potter novels. She was rejected by the best of the best printers over 100 times! Aren’t we all glad she kept believing in herself?

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