Pay-It Forward – Coach’s Challenge

Tom and I were watching football the other night and, as men and their remotes will do, at commercial time Tom changed channels to see what else might be on of interest. We stumbled upon the movie “Pay It Forward”.  A wonderful heartening story about a teacher and his class of, I believe, fifth graders and the challenge he gave each of them: Think of a way to change our world and put it into action.

We were at first charmed, and by the end, football went by the wayside and became the commercial filler for the movie.  The story unfolded as the young man, Trevor, decided to do nice things for people, whether he knew them or not and whether they asked for it or not.  He felt in this way he might at least make a difference in the lives of others to the small extent he could and that when they asked what they could do in return for him… he asked each of them to do something unexpectedly nice for 3 others and so on…his system: Pay it Forward…

Trevor’s system did not always work as he had expected or hoped and at times he was down right depressed that it seemed he was not even able to start the ball rolling.  Several of his initial attempts were thwarted either by the person who received the good deed not responding and paying it forward or other times he ran into people’s inability to deal with their own fears in order to take the necessary steps to enjoy the gift he gave.  Trevor’s determination stayed true and he created enough awareness that eventually a reporter interviewed him on TV about his goal for “Pay It Forward”.  He explained that it takes a person that is willing to be strong and sometimes overcome their fears to really make a difference.  Each person has to choose to go out on a bit of a limb, take a risk, but that the rewards were worth the effort.  He also commented that if you never try anything different, then you may be missing the best life has to offer, you will stay in your comfortable and gray world and miss the warmth, connection and Technicolor that could be.

Trevor learned there were no guarantees with his experiment, but he made the conscious decision to continue to try it anyway. His experiment did not fail with me, as I write this article to share with each of you.

Today, I parked in town and bought a $5.00 parking permit.   When I was ready to leave there was an older gentleman struggling to figure out the parking computer.  I handed him my ticket, which was good for another two hours.  He was delighted and asked if he could pay me for it…. I told him to pay it forward… Thanks Trevor!

To me this story is all about abundance and learning to give unconditionally…Giving of the overflow… it has been called… is all about learning the spirit of money and good deeds (which are often substituted for cash) It is in the spirit of money that we begin to attract abundance. In the spirit of money we discover it’s true value and power. The spirit of money is where philanthropy lives. Have you ever wanted to create a foundation to support a great cause?  Learn the spirit of money and you will soon attract an overflow to share as you wish.

Coach’s Challenge:
“Pay It Forward”. Then, if you accept, I challenge each of you to do something nice and unexpected for 3 people, if they ask how to repay you, tell them: “Pay it forward!” I figure if 100 people read this article and just 30 of you take my challenge …then Trevor, and our world, will have won exponentially!

What Do You Think?

“One of the reasons people don’t achieve their dreams is that they desire to change their results without changing their thinking.”  John C. Maxwell Thinking For A Change

When an individual begins the coaching partnership it is often because they are frustrated with their current progress, it is not moving along fast enough, they are experiencing many roadblocks and they can’t seem to keep focus or stay on track towards their goal.  Our first step is usually to discover: “What are their thoughts in connection with the goal?”

Most often they are able to rattle off their strategy to reach the goal they wish to attain; they have broken it down into manageable steps and have begun the process to reach the goal.  The missing piece that causes the roadblock to success is not their ability or knowledge or even their organization, but the thoughts they harbor around the goal.

As a new college graduate I was given the opportunity to become a supervisor of a department I had been a member of for the last 3 years.  I was promoted due to my knowledge, experience and potential.  It was a great honor and one I felt ready to accept.  After about a month on the job, the productivity of my department had plummeted. I was frustrated, and went to my manager to try to discover what I was doing wrong. My manager gave me these words to ponder: “Think like a supervisor.”  After mulling this over, I discovered I was still thinking like an hourly employee.  I had made the leap to supervisor, but my thought processes had not changed along with me.  This time I went to my supervisor with a list of new thoughts: how I think about myself in relation to the supervisory position.  I was on my way to changing the way I thought about my job and my person in that job.  With each discovery, I became a more valuable supervisor and my department began to excel.  Success in this situation was about changing the way I was thinking to mirror the new position.

Coaches Challenge:  Examine your thinking around your business goals and who you are with this goal. Ask yourself some questions to trigger understanding of your current thought processes and what changes you may have to make. If your goal is to build a thriving Coaching Practice… do you believe it is possible?  Do you think you deserve to have a thriving business? How does a successful businessperson think, act, look? Are you thinking like a business person or a hobbyist? How do you have to think differently to make the change from a surviving business to a thriving business? What thoughts do you have that will inhibit and or forward this goal? Begin to change the way you think to enhance your goals.

Living in Delicious Fear

Can you remember the first time you did something that was scary to you? Was it learning to ride a bike, or perhaps to swim, or a first day at a new job or at a new school? The amazing part of these moments is that as soon as we push past our fears and give it a try, succeed or fail, we learn something about our abilities and ourselves. We also gain valuable knowledge and understanding of the challenge that faces us, and the tools required to succeed in the face of that challenge. Our brain, our spirit and our bodies are incredible tools.  Each grows proportionately with the risks and trials we encounter. Like exercising a muscle, as we practice and increase our repetitions the muscle grows in strength and facility.

That is what I call “living in delicious fear”.  It is that place when you are out of your comfort zone and teetering on the verge of stepping backwards, but you just gently lean forward and move ahead. This is the discovery and learning zone: “Wow! I can do that, it wasn’t as scary as I thought.” Perhaps: ” I survived, I will do this part differently next time, or “I did OK, if I practice, I will become great at this!” The first step out of comfort and into “delicious fear” is the hardest and also the most exhilarating. Your senses are at their peak and your brain is working its hardest to master the skills required and still maintain control, your emotions are working overtime and you are a mass of nerves and then you’ve done it! Everything lets go all at once and your whole body goes into “I did it!” mode! Then the learning and understanding sets in and our wonderful minds take over. We get better and better at it as we practice and build our muscles of trying new things. Our spirit grows as we discover new talents or polish unused ones and we become more empowered to try again and possibly attempt even more difficult challenges.

I remember learning to ride my first two-wheeled bike.  My sister was the one to teach me, Mom was too worried and Dad didn’t have the patience.  So Barb helped me learn.  She held the back of the bike seat to stabilize me as I struggled to gain the necessary balance to master the task. I was sweating so hard from fear and struggle, my eyes stung from the salt. I kept yelling, “don’t let go, I’m not ready!” Then I realized I was moving way too fast for her to keep up I was doing it!  Then Barb screamed and I fell off!  I yelled what’s the matter? As she ran up to see if I was all right, she looked worried and thrilled all together, as I bled from both knees.  What’s wrong, I cried? “You did it, you did it, you rode all by yourself!” You see, there were two of us living in delicious fear that day.  Barb was terrified that she would not be up to the task of teaching me and that I would fail, she stepped way out of her comfort zone for me.  I must say I was most proud of those scrapes and became a daredevil bike rider! Barb discovered she was a great teacher!

Of course there are set backs, embarrassment, scraped knees, a lost possibility but more often than not they are endurable set backs.  Delicious fear is a wake up call to use your brain, focus and approach the challenge with all of your capabilities and full consciousness. We are not speaking of ignoring your fears, but consciously and thoughtfully moving past them.  Using your skills and knowledge in a way that allows you to “Just do it”.    It is what makes many of us successful business owners or managers or CEOs.  Have you stepped out lately?  We often get too comfortable and settled in our worlds to remind ourselves to step out, take a new responsibility, or a challenge.

Whatever the step is for you, remember the discovery and learning zone is where we as human beings grow best.  Once the challenge has been met and we are delivered to the other side is when our real work begins.  We then can take the time to celebrate our successes and evaluate and learn from mistakes, strategize on how to better meet the task in the future, gather more knowledge or skills we discovered were lacking, get help from others if required. Each challenge is an opportunity to grow.  Each success empowers us to try again. Each mistake or failure is packed with learning to do it better the next time.

You say the fear is too big!  The fear is not worth it! Then try taking smaller steps. That is why training wheels were invented.  My challenge to you is to step out into delicious fear this week, go create a new product for your business, invite your most dissatisfied customer to lunch, speak to someone about a raise or a promotion, learn to ride the bike of your dreams!